What is Assertive Communication and How to Improve It?

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How to Improve Your Assertive Communication

Assertiveness is a communication style that allows you to express thoughts, feelings, and opinions at the right time, in a relaxed way, without nervousness, considering your rights and those of others.

Assertive communication is based on a positive personal attitude in relationships with others and consists of expressing opinions and assessments, avoiding disqualifications, disapproval, and confrontations, in short, without being aggressive or passive.

It is an ideal mechanism to interact with people expressing desires and feelings, both pleasant and directly, without denying or belittling the rights of others and without creating or feeling maladaptive inhibition or anxiety (which prevents relating to others).

We invite you to continue reading to learn more about assertive communication and how to improve it.

What does the word assertiveness mean?

It means respecting and expressing what is needed, feeling, thinking, and acting accordingly, without passivity or aggressiveness.

Assertive communication occurs when a message is expressed in which words and gestures convey clarity and, at the same time, an attitude of empathy towards the interlocutor.

In other words, it is about communicating ideas sincerely and creating a positive and non-conflicting climate of coexistence.

Sometimes we call it "knowing how to say things" or, at the other extreme, "not being dominated", and we usually refer to being able to ask for what is ours, without having to go over anyone or stop saying what it is. we really want to think for fear of the reaction.

How to communicate assertively

1. Observe and communicate without judging

Describe what you observed without adding any personal evaluation. This will increase the chances that you will be heard.

2. Identify and express your feelings

This implies a mental process that implies a path to action, in which:

• Receive information
• You mix it with your knowledge and you need to turn it into thoughts
• These thoughts cause you feelings
• You act on these feelings

3. Find your unmet needs

The key is to focus on describing your inner feelings rather than explaining your thoughts or interpretations of the actions of others.

For example, "I feel lonely" describes an emotional experience of yours, while "I feel like you don't love me" is an interpretation of the other person's feelings and as such could be wrong.

4. Make an active and specific request

Focus on what you want and be as specific as possible. Turn your requests into concrete actions that others can take. The clearer it is, the more likely it will meet your needs.

Importance of Assertive Communication

The soul of assertive communication is empathy, your ability to connect with your own needs and those of others to find points of collaboration. And that is tremendously comforting.

This will allow you to:

• Feeling entitled to make requests that you previously avoided for fear of upsetting or losing friends
• Better understand your feelings and needs, something essential for your self-esteem
• Stop feeling attacked and understand that when someone is angry it is because one of their needs has not been met
• Paving the way to collaborate to find joint solutions
• Deepen conversations when others share your needs
• Feel more confident by showing your feelings and vulnerability

Remember that assertive communication is not just a way to defend your rights or say no. It is a new way of relating to the people around you.

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